when the wind blows just right
I catch a whiff of you in my hair
and I close my eyes
inhaling the moment I thought was long gone:
feeling your arms around me
my face buried in your green t-shirt
restless lips planting kisses all over
when I look at you
I see a little boy tapping on his toy drum set
childish wonder lighting up his eyes
but when you look at me
I think you see a mystery
a book that doesn’t have an ending
or a middle
I’m just a blank page waiting
to be filled by your verses
hungry for ink stains and sloppy handwriting
hungry for whispers and soon-to-be-songs
hungry for messes and moments when things fall perfectly into place
I want all of you.
for the sake of honesty
when I looked into his eyes, I saw the future.
but not like in some crystal ball,
no, he was much less mystical than that.
in his pupils I saw car radios and piano keys
and honest tears spilling onto pillowcases.
there were fingers intertwined
and lips that fit together like lock and key.
what I saw in him was raw, unfiltered hope;
something so pure that
the rest of the world melted away.
it wasn’t like anything I’d seen before.
trust me, my hands are cracked and calloused
from building futures on boys’ backs
before they even let me in.
but he said my hands were soft like velvet.
he breathed life into me,
sent the room spinning around us
as we gasped for more of whatever this was.
when he said my name the only thing I could think
is that we are electric,
and I had never been anything but bruised.
when I whispered into his chest
that “this is real” it was not an observation.
it was more like a prayer,
some desperate attempt to grasp his heart in my hands,
but he was already pulling away.
When I looked into his eyes that first time
I could already feel him leaving.
we made too many promises
in too little time.
I turned down the car radio
as the little boy who cradled his head in my passenger seat
buckled under the weight of his own expectations.
I am not a psychic,
but I’d be lying if I told you I couldn’t see it coming.